I realized the other day that, if nothing else, the one thing I truly learned in the course of my post-graduate studies is how to drink in moderation. Sure, it was a lesson that took a veritable Scrooge McVault’s worth of irl simoleons and three years of life-suspending law school limbo to get down—not to say I’ve even got it all the way down, but it’s like an alligator’s belly’s worth off of the ground at this point, I think. Maybe a tall crocodilian with disproportionately long legs, okay?! GETTING THERE!—but when I wrap up those credits this winter and brush my hands off in an exaggerated pantomime of completion (which I will do, trust me. I know it’s annoying but I’ll do it because I’m annoying), I can be satisfied knowing that, even with a daunting bar exam looming in the too too near distance, all full of shit that I was supposed to learn and probably breezed over because it seemed more important at the time to spend my valuable classroom hours playing Beach Sudoku, I did actually manage to learn one god damn important thing. And that is how to cut myself off.
And maybe I’m writing this after having successfully run a beer pong table for four rounds. And maybe I’m also simultaneously writing a response paper for a class in which I compare the American public’s desire for quick, responsive, and personally-catered legislation to a Burger King drive thru order—“Their way. And on the double double.” (I know I’m mixing BK and In-N-Out phraseology, suspend your belief for one fucking second, tumblr, I’m making art here!). But this is the first time since matriculation that I have felt 100% positive that no matter what, something substantively good came out of this, beyond just another nominal degree for the ol’ curriculum vitae. And that. Feels. Nice.
Also, I learned that the best way to kill indoor pests is with a handheld vacuum. Unless said arachnid/insect/something-pede is in the immediate vicinity of your bed-space, in which case, a handheld shoe with a paper towel under the sole is your best bet/chance of survival.
Every time I log on to the computer to get some serious shit done, I only get two emails in before I’m wiped out.
What is it about typing up semi-formal communication that is so exhausting? I still have like eight textbooks to hunt down and comparison amazon shop for because I’m taking six (SIX! USUALLY IT’S ONLY FOUR) classes this term and some professors think it’s hunky dory to issue reading lists with multiple mandatory tomes on them like we’re all just spending our summers splish splashin around in Scrooge McDuck’s bank vault swimming pool of Sacajaweas and Susan Bs.
"If you could give one piece of advice to a large group of people, what would it be?"
"Take those phones you’re on, shove em’ up your arses, and go to work."
I’ve spent hours on this tumblr today. Trying to schedule reblogs for later, so as to not flood your feed with it, but this dude could not wait.
Go For A Nature Walk
I will never be over this.
Most favorite Arrested Development line of all time.